Mrs Mayberry

Loving Jesus, The Hubby, The Mini Maybs and YOU!

Good Mourning

Don’t worry grammar police, I meant to spell it that way. I know many of us probably don’t think mourning can be good. But just because something hurts, doesn’t mean it cannot be beneficial. Mourning is different for everyone, and saying that, it can take a long time for many people. There’s no cookie-cutter mourning, and you cannot expect anyone to understand your mourning. Except God. God can and does understand your mourning, and only in Him will you find comfort. 

 

Ecclesiastes 7:1-5 says A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools.

 

These Scriptures spoke to me so much in the beginning of my walk with God. Odd, right? Well, the beginning of my walk, began at the end of someone I hold very dear to me’s life. It was through her, that I drew nearer to God, and we know that when we draw near to God, He draws near to us. At the beginning, I will be honest, I didn’t understand why God would take my friend. I didn’t get it, and I thought it was pretty dirty of Him. Two months before she died, I was approached by someone I had never met. She came to me at work, asked me to go to an office with her and talk a minute. I honestly thought I was in trouble for something, as she was my boss’s wife. The 20 steps to the office felt like 200 and I was trying to remember anything I possibly could have done or said that would be offensive to her. This lady I had never met sat me down and asked how my life was going. Ummmm…. what??? Well… if you’d really like to know…. I poured my heart out to her and I have no clue why. I never discussed anything of that nature with anyone. I told her about my brand new marriage being in a weird place, my husband being depressed, me being depressed, the back story of why we were here, and oh, to top it off, my long time best friend, who I met at a hayride in 9th grade…. yea, she had a stroke a week after turning 23 and is in a coma and I don’t understand. This was getting deep fast, I was asked to visit this lady at her house that afternoon for coffee.

That conversation led to my salvation, and I am forever thankful for that unlikely encounter, and the woman who came to me and sought me out of nowhere. After salvation, the Bible became SO much clearer to me. I had tried to read it before, but couldn’t make sense of a darn thing. Reading now, was so much easier and I wanted it. I craved it so bad. So badly, that even on my lunch breaks from work, I would sit in my car and read. Downtime at work, I was looking up Scriptures online. I NEEDED to know what it said. 

 

Back to mourning, in the midst of my aggressive studying, my friend died. My husband had only begun coming to church the week she died, and I didn’t want to bother him with questions while pondering “WHY?”. Not to mention, his fun wife that liked to party just turned into a crazy Jesus freak…. so it was an awkward place for him too. I dug into God’s word, because to be honest… I didn’t care to hear anyone else’s rehearsed responses for such an occasion. “How tragic.” “I don’t know what I would do.” “Everything happens for a reason.” …. I know they’re well meaning but to be honest, I just didn’t want to hear it. God’s WORD is the only place I found comfort. I googled “mourning Bible” and Ecclesiastes chapter 7 was one of the first links. *click* 

 

I thought this was odd. I didn’t want to spend my time at funerals. I’d much rather be at a feast. I don’t want to feel this sorrow, I hate this sorrow… if you know me, I love laughing, and I love making others laugh… I’d much rather be laughing. This sorrow does not seem to be making my “heart glad” one bit. Really, God? REALLY!?!?!!? Maybe google was the wrong answer… maybe I should have done the whole open my Bible to random place and ask God to talk to me… I’m sure that’s what He wanted me to do. Oddly enough, Ecclesiastes is in the center-ish of the Bible… (didn’t know that then) and that’s the book I opened up to. Ugh! No escaping. I would love to say, at that moment, something crazy happened that just healed up my heart and made me sing for joy. Not exactly. I was bewildered by what I was reading, so bewildered that it has stuck in my head since. 

 

It’s been almost 3 years now. That verse still in my head, and I’m still mourning. Sure, it’s easier than it was that day, that month, that year…. but things come up here and there and I still find myself mourning. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted so bad to call her. The baby shower, in which I knew she would have helped plan, was beautiful and I missed her. When my son was born, I knew she would have been right there at the hospital as soon as I gave the ok. Going through our wedding cards and finding the one she gave me, with a beautiful note. Pictures…. old texts…. facebook…. I could go on and on. She was special to me. Very special. Recently I’ve found myself in a place of mourning again. Thinking about that verse in Ecclesiastes, I think I’ve learned more about what it means now. I think what it means, is that even though mourning is very painful and very hard, it’s also a catalyst for spiritual growth towards maturity. At no other time have I been more inclined to read God’s Word like a mad woman. At no other time, have I found myself looking within… studying her good qualities and trying to adapt them as some of my own. She was known for her kindness. For keeping bottled water in her car to give anyone she seen on the side of the road. She was SO SO SO funny. She was goofy and didn’t care at all what people thought. She was confident. She was smart. She adored her husband. She loved God. I wanted to be more like her….

 

I’ll end this with this: If you are mourning, there is nothing anyone can say, there is nothing you can drink, there is nothing you can eat, there is no one you can run to. There is no bath big enough, no pill strong enough, and nothing a human is capable of to make you feel better. To end that pain. The only comfort you will find is talking to God and digging into His Word for answers. Not talking to your BFF who is going to tell you what you want to hear. I’ve talked to God about my friend a lot over the last few years. “Why God?” I’ve given him my desires…. what I would give to just have a conversation with her, now that I am saved… to talk about ministry or where God is leading us. How I wish I could have seen her pregnant and as a mother, because all she ever wanted was “a house full of kids.” I’m continually having to hand over these things to God and because of digging into His Word, I am reminded of HIS truths by the Holy Spirit But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Jesus was speaking of his soon death and His return to the Father. That’s where she is too, and because of that I can be glad. My heart can be glad, because I know her terrible singing that she loved to belt out, is now beautifully worshiping God…. and I will be too someday.

 

 

 

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Let’s Try This Again…..

Recently a couple of gals messaged me on Facebook and suggested I start a blog. Either they believe that my “status updates” are a little too long, or they like what I’ve got to say….. TBD.

When they said that, I remembered I had started one already! I bounced the idea off my trusty friend, Radene. She was on board, so here I am! Things have changed in this last year. I stopped blogging mainly because Dylan began walking … and well, running, and I just didn’t have the time. We are on a pretty normal schedule now, so I hope to be able to invest a little more time into this!

So, be on the look out! I am back! Probably 10-fold as bold as I was this time last year. I’ve grown a new trust and confidence in Christ and I can’t wait to share it! 🙂

 

Love y’all!

JenMayberrysig

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Causing a Great Deal of Good or a Great Deal of Bad?

Duck Dynasty was on last night, which had me thinking what Willie has mentioned over and over… that because of his wife’s encouragement, he pursued to make the family business bigger… WAY bigger. I think as a wife, this makes me think about how I’m speaking to my husband. “We should learn to make the due management of our tongues more our study, because, though they are little members, they are capable of doing a great deal of good or a great deal of hurt.” Am I causing a great deal of good or a great deal of hurt for my husband?

Encourage your husband, (in not just areas that can potentially increase your finances- but in every way) it can and will yield great results.

I’m not going to sit her like some saint that has this down perfectly. I definitely don’t. Just ask Jason. It’s something I am set to work on relentlessly though. I have a temper, I get grouchy, I have bad days… etc. etc. etc. But all of that shouldn’t dictate how I talk to my husband. Repeatedly throughout the Bible it speaks negatively of nagging wives…..  I’ve got some homework.

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The Little Things

Today my son and I have played most all day. We beat on some plastic bowls with spoons, we went out side, we spun circles in the living room until we were dizzy….. Dylan is almost 8 months old and I enjoy every waking minute I have with him. Even when I get on to him, he looks at me with such a sweet grin it’s hard to not crack a smile yourself. How am I ever going to get the point across that those outlets aren’t a toy!?! 🙂

All too often I am guilty of thinking that I cannot be used by God because I am too young. He quickly pointed out differently in 1 Timothy 4:12 “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” Today, I feel like I was blessed with a small glimpse of how my Father enjoys me. Just as I am. Young in faith or not.

I enjoyed the simple things today. I enjoyed feeling dizzy and giggling with Dylan. I enjoyed watching him see God’s creation as if he’s never seen it before. I enjoyed making awful, out of rhythm noises and seeing the pure elation on his face. God must be like that too as he watches us, even in our youth. He must enjoy watching us marvel over a beautiful creation he created for us. He must enjoy watching us enjoy our roles and fulfilling them in a godly way, no matter where our roles are: wife, mother, daughter, etc. Even with the perfect holy songs that are being sung to him by the angels in Heaven, I’m sure he also enjoys watching his daughter and little baby making loud awful sounds, because he sees the joy in them. A joy only God can bring.

I encourage everyone to take a minute to think about the small things. To enjoy the small things. To thank God for the small things. I am blessed. Thank you, Lord!

 

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I figured out how to make new pages!

I was playing around, during nap time, and have figured out how to make new pages. So I now have an “about” page (They’re on the right) which is rather boring, but more about me. And I also added a page “getting to know yourself.” There’s a couple references in there to those neat quiz things. If you’re interested  check it out! 🙂 If you’re not… then I guess you just wasted 5 minutes of your life reading this. Sorry about that.

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Love

Love is something I’ve been really trying to dig into lately…. by lately, I mean the past couple months. Just trying to wrap my head around it really, and hopefully practice it to the extent God intended it to be. I think in order to understand something, you should first be able to define it. I’m not so sure Merriam-Webster was around in B.C. times, but it’s where I started…

“Love- NOUN 1. STRONG AFFECTION 2:WARM ATTACHMENT 3:ATTRACTION BASED ON SEXUAL DESIRE 4: A BELOVED PERSON 5:UNSELFISH LOYAL AND BENEVOLENT CONCERN FOR OTHERS 6:SCORE OF ZERO IN TENNIS

VERB 1:CHERISH 2: TO FEEL A PASSION, DEVOTION, OR TENDERNESS FOR 3:CARESS 4: TO TAKE PLEASURE IN”

After I read that, I didn’t feel fulfilled in trying to define “love.” So, I went to the handy-dandy concordance of my Bible; which is really where I should start, rather than Mr/s Webster…

“LOVE: (N) THE ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF GOD’S LOYALTY, PURITY, AND MERCY EXTENDED TOWARDS HIS PEOPLE- TO BE REFLECTED IN HUMAN RELATIONSHIP OF BROTHERLY CONCERN, MARITAL FIDELITY, AND ADORATION OF GOD; A BELOVED PERSON.

(V) TO HOLD DEAR, TO FEEL A LOVER’S PASSION, DEVOTION, OR TENDERNESS FOR; TO FEEL AFFECTION OR EXPERIENCE DESIRE; TO LIKE OR DESIRE ACTIVELY

(ADJ) OF OR RELATING TO A STRONG AFFECTION FOR ANOTHER; AFFECTIONATE, PAINSTAKING”

That settled in my Spirit far better than the Webster definition. Even without scripture to back it up, by comparing the two definitions, I find it impossible to avoid that fact that it’s obvious God wants us to love Him, our spouse, and other human beings. There is an appropriate feeling of love for each.

The only way I can describe the feelings I have for my husband is by saying he filled a void I didn’t even realize was there. I felt content when I met him, but when we started  getting to know each-other and dating, it’s as though my heart annexed in a whole other chamber in order to house the feelings I have for him. It was an experience I had never known before, and no one can ever take residence in that spot of my heart that’s been built just for him.

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(Doesn’t this just scream LOVE to you???)

It was only when I experienced salvation did I ever feel anything like that again. It’s as though my entire heart grew three times it’s size in order to house Him there. I will never forget, a week after I had asked God to come into my life, my mentor asked me how I felt. I responded, “I feel like my entire chest was just opened up and everything was cleaned out.” Even then I knew it was a weird explanation, but that’s the only way I could describe it. Like somehow in my sleep my chest was opened and the purest water was used to wash everything! It was months later when I read in Hebrews “let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.” (Hebrews 10:22NLT) that the dots connected.

And even after those two experiences, my heart grew even more when I gave birth to our son. My heart has to be the size of my entire chest by now…

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However, I don’t think it’s just enough to love God and our spouse and family. We are to love each other. Everyone… believers and non-believers! The more I dig in the more I believe it. I really think that’s the only way to show anyone to Jesus and not be a stumbling block for them. I mean, think about it, have you ever been upset with someone for being TOO nice to you? Ok…. that answer could be yes… but you probably felt bad about it later, didn’t you?

Love is important enough that the word alone comes up over 300 times in the Bible. Over 300 times God felt it needed to be talked about!!!!!! Sitting in my first “lecture” class I learned very quickly if the instructor repeated himself, it was going to be on the test! I found if he said it three times with an obvious look on his face saying “KNOW THIS;” that I was already getting bored by it, and slightly annoyed by his obvious gesture. Could you imagine being told OVER 300 times a² + b² = c²? (And in all reality- that’s not even that important… the only time I’ve used that equation since college is to figure the distance between home plate and 2nd base because my Papa was curious as to how far Yadi throws the ball- probably could have googled it) Ok, back on the original trail… if my instructor can say something 3 times and it’s stuck in my head for life, why in the world can’t I wrap my head around how important love is to God?

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If i have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

You may have heard the above scripture in a popular song that is playing now. Have you ever really looked at it though? It purely states I AM NOTHING WITHOUT LOVE.

By no means do I have this love thing down. In fact, I find it hard to love or be loved. This year, I’m going to work harder on just that. Loving and being loved. (Since my husband was kind enough to be first to follow my blog- I’m sure I will have a phenomenal accountability partner.) I’m going to continue to dig into God’s meaning of love, and hope that He transforms me from the inside out to be more: patient, kind, not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, not demand my own way, (stop laughing, Jason) to rejoice whenever the truth wins out. Never to give up, lose faith, to always be hopeful, and to endure every circumstance.

 

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” ~1 Corinthians 13:13

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Reflection

2012 has been a super exciting year for my husband and me!!!! 🙂 I’m pretty sure, since I was 3 months pregnant, that I did not stay up for the welcoming of the year! On a side note, neither did Jason.

In February we finally discovered that we were having a baby boy!!!!! Jason was so proud! We both would have obviously been happy with whatever God blessed us with, but we both really wanted a boy if we had the choice. 22 weeks seemed like a super long time to not know the sex of our baby, and it was quite a relief to stop calling him “the baby” as we weren’t very fond of calling him “it.”Image

We came up with a name, Dylan Joel, and it was time for the super fun part of the planning.

Jason began a new job in March. What amazing ways God answers our prayers. He is back into the field that he went to school for and within just a few months was moved into management. Delight yourself in the LORD and HE will give you the desires of your heart!

Dylan was due to arrive June 29th. I began having Braxton-Hicks contractions in May, and around June 4th is when they started to come about every 15-30 minutes. 6 days later…. (feeling as though I could probably die at any time) my contractions still weren’t getting to 5 minutes apart. They’d get down to around 7, and then jump back up to 15-20 minutes. I finally called our Drs office, got in that day to see a different Dr in the practice, and sure enough I was ready to go to the hospital.

I arrived at the hospital at 1230pm, and at 3:27pm on June 11th we finally got to meet our precious baby boy: Dylan Joel, 20.25in, 7lb 2.5oz. I never thought I’d be one of those mothers that cry after delivery, but the emotions are absolutely crazy!!!

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Look at that cone-head!!!! Poor baby!!!! I stayed 2 nights in the hospital, (An extra one due to some hemorrhaging after delivering) then we were able to go home as our brand new family of 3.

I can’t believe they let people who are not experienced what-so-ever just go home with a baby. Maybe it’s just me, but those “mother instincts” never seemed instinctual….. rather a trial and error way of learning. After tears on both ends, clipping a tongue-tie, and just feelings that I was insane, we finally got each other figured out and in a routine.

August came, and we were ECSTATIC to discover I could stay home with Dylan. We had a very sweet Christian woman lined up to keep him, but God pulled through, as He always does when it’s His will, and I’ve been blessed to be able to stay home with Dylan. Watching him grow every day has been the biggest blessing I’ve had the joy of receiving  I am so thankful for my husband, who also makes this possible. Without him, Dylan and I would be lost. Jason is an absolute amazing and supportive husband.  He is so good to us and is a wonderful father.

In September, we bought a new home and moved!!! YAY! It’s nothing fancy, nor did we want anything fancy. Image

We’ve gone the fancy route before and that led us no where we want to be again. We are so thankful for our little home and we have already had the joy of making memories here. This home was the answer of many prayers, as we were in a rather small [temporary] (that’s being generous) place before, that wasn’t very safe for a crawling child.

We were able to spend Dylan’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas with family and friends. Seeing him unwrap presents was amusing. He’d unwrap them just enough to see what was inside and get his hands on that toy!!

Now the year is coming to a close. Thinking of this time last year, I would have never thought I’d find myself here. I didn’t think the possibility of me staying at home could even be a reality. After feeling so broken the past couple of years, God is really creating something amazing with our life. The hard part is, is to sit back and let HIM do the work and rely on HIS guidance and not our own “logic.” Learning to be “obedient” is frustrating at times but also joyful. It never feels good to be disciplined, but as many parents know, discipline is necessary. God disciplines those he LOVES. So even when I’m corrected, it’s comforting to know there’s an everlasting love in him.

I hope you all had an amazing 2012 as well, and if it could have been better… try not to dwell on that. Trust me. Learn from the bad, remember the good, and ask God for guidance. You couldn’t ask for a better pilot for your life.

JenMayberrysig

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The Beginning

This morning I was reading an article about the “Top 25 Faith Blogs.” Over 75% of those were written by women practicing witchcraft. I enjoy talking, writing, thinking, debating, communicating… you get the idea. I sat here and wondering if Christian Women are just boring, rare, or not blogging. Since I know many fun and unique Christian women, my guess is the latter. That being said, as a Christian woman, I felt led to begin a blog….. My goal out of all of this is to bring ONE person closer to God. Here we go… 

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